I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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