covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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