i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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