Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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