He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
