woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are we still banned from the library?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
