you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
