You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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