This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
