hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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