You smell like stripper and shame
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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