i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
