Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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