people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
