He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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