I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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