that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
