ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
