ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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