I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
