I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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