seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
