I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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