She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
