even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pooping to opera.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
