You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
