i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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