Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
