are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
