She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
