can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
