I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
