Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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