I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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