oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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