Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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