Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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