U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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