Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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