mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
