How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When did angry sex become our thing?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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