Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
