My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
