all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
