I'm drive I can fine osifer
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
