Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
