Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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