Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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