I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
