it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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