I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
