Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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