smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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