Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
