Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
