im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
