I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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