dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
