Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
