So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
