I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
