Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
