so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My bed smells like the plague
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
