In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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