just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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