i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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